Letters for Emma
by capitudascamelias
Summary: "I can't tell you this, but I miss you. My heart cries blood-tears every night because of that and I don't care anymore. I miss our late night conversations, I miss our fights, I miss your smile, I miss the way your hair move when you walk, I miss your laughter, I miss your scowls, I miss seeing you sipping your cocoa with cinnamon…"


**_ You can read it hearing "Just the way you are" from Bruno Mars (The Piano Guys version ONLY!)._**

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I can't tell you this, but I miss you. My heart cries blood-tears every night because of that and I don't care anymore. I miss our late night conversations, I miss our fights, I miss your smile, I miss the way your hair move when you walk, I miss your laughter, I miss your scowls, I miss seeing you sipping your cocoa with cinnamon… I miss your flirting, I miss your sarcasm, I miss your reckless, I miss the way you rolled your eyes at me. I miss every single detail of you.

I never had the chance to say this to you, but your smile is the most exquisite thing I've ever seen. It makes my heart speed up with joy every time I see you smiling. Even now, when I close my eyes, I can see your perfect smile and hear your heavenly laugh and that's the only thing that keeps me from losing my mind.

My dear Emma… The worst curse of all is not being able to touch, not being able to smell your sweet, precious scent, and not being able to hear your voice or see your smile. The worst curse was losing my love again without having any chance of saying how I feel.

I know you will never read this, but I can't hold this inside of me anymore. I'm slowly dying without you… You were right when we first met: I had no soul. I wasn't alive… I was nothing but a walking body. But you came… And I hated you.

I hated you with all I had, because that was the only thing I knew. The pain, the loneliness, the emptiness inside of me… That's what I was. I hated you. I feared you. I thought you had come to steal my happy ending.

I just realized that _you_ are my happiness when I had to let you go. For Henry's sake. For your own sake… I just realized how much I love you when I no longer could have you. I was only able to _see_ you just when you walked inside that deathtrap with our son and I would never be able to see you again.

I'm so sorry… I'm sorry that I wasn't the person that could take care of you. I'm sorry that I was the reason that you know what loneliness and abandon feel. I'm sorry that I disappointed you. I'm sorry that I had to leave you on your own again. I'm sorry for being so blind all this time…

I know that I've done too much with you, that I've caused you so much pain. I know that it is too much. I know that nothing of this the time will ever be able to erase…

But I ask you to forgive me.

I know I said I had no regrets when we were in Neverland, but now this isn't true anymore. I regret more than one thing: I regret not telling you what I really feel about you. I regret never hugging you. I regret all the things I didn't say. I regret being too proud… I regret not doing the right choices before…

And now… Now you have me, but I can't have you. Now you got my heart and don't even remember my face. Now you fill my dreams and not even know that. Now I wish every second of every day for one last minute in your arms. Now I prey, even without believing in any gods. I prey, because I need hope to move on without breaking. I need something to stand for now that you and Henry are gone.

I need to tell you that.

I could spend a lifetime just sinking in your eyes. I could die in your arms and then I would finally have peace. And the only reason I'm still here is that I made a promise to myself that I would see you at least one more time.

I miss you so much… My precious Princess. I miss the curls of your beautiful hair. I miss the intense gaze of your eyes. I miss you lips. Those sweet lips that I never tasted… I wanted it so much… But my anger was bigger than me. My flaws were too horrible to let me having you.

The Evil Queen and the Savior…

Well… Thank you, my dearest Emma. I'm no longer that woman. I'm not _evil_ anymore. Thank you, now I'm happy. Now I'm _good_ again. Now I know how to _love_.

I have nothing but the memory of you and our son.

But that's enough. You were enough.

You were the best thing I've ever had. Even if I never really had you. You made me see that I am worthy. You made me believe in love again. You helped me to learn how to trust again. And I will always be grateful for you because of that.

I hope you find your happiness, my love.

That's my only wish.

You will never be mine, but I will always be yours.

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**A/N: _Guys, I'm sorry for the mistakes. English is not my first language.  
_**

**_I actually cried writing this, because it's kind a personal thing to me._**

**_Let me know what you thought about it. _****_I hope you liked it._**


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